Pad Thai is not the same in Laos.

Third day in a row the rain is not stopping, the Nam Song River is expanding and the island from the view of our balcony is slowly disappearing.  I sit in a room full of brightness, admiring an amazing 3D view while my mind is up, up in the stormy clouds. Its replaying back all emotions and actions of my past week. It’s so fresh with many thoughts and questions of Why? How? When? Was it me?
The river is floating fast, plastic bottles, tree trunks, huts and occasional chairs are hurried on the muddy rapid river’s surface. Just like everything else in my life — love, happiness, money, anger and satisfaction. —  It’s a happy, crazy, beautiful and very fucked up world. Things will come and go, money will pass through as your shit changes. Emotions will reach highest and lowest points of desire, and sometimes you will eat dirt but don’t cover up, allow the glow — just like I am glowing on reliving a dream from paradise. — A French kiss connection where it began underwater grew digitally and meant to reconnect in Laos.

Vientiane, Laos is where we first arrived from Bangkok. It’s also the capital of Laos, 300,000 people live here and enjoy the laid back life. Lao people are very good at enjoying the now, the super calm and the past. First excitement of emotions in Vientiane for us was the taste of bread. Traveling for the past 6 months in Asia mainly munching on the local dishes like noodles, rice and more noodles, bread was something we were craving for. — A French baguette with cheese — was what hit the spot.

Until 1953 France was occupying Laos, leaving many French customs behind and bread was one of them. We spent the first few days just chilling in the Scandinavian Bakery eating pastries, sipping on espressos and getting high on caffeine while watching ‘Dexter’. Afternoons we spent walking by the Mekong River observing the local fitness life and the colorful sunset. It was a perfect way to kill time while waiting for visa to Vietnam.

With bread belly and visa stamped we eventually hopped on an overnight bus going to Luang Prabang, a V.I.P bus with no legroom and plastic chairs filled up the middle for extra passengers. The fucking ride was 11hrs, super tight and exhausting. In Luang Prabang we were going to connect with the man and explore Laos’s green life. Ride on the Mekong River, explore caves, waterfalls and inhale pure joy of love.

Often I dream, I love to dream of everything that my mind absorbs. Simply living and coming across situations that redirect you to other actions, emotions and dreams. It’s quite easy to flow with the words and thoughts; one can really enter a dream of love, desire, emotions and satisfaction based on dreaming. I fell victim to a digitally fantasized world of possibilities and expanded reality. I fell for paradise, enjoying a man that I mainly read through words.

—Do emails show the real you or the fake you? Did I create a fantasized dream? — I question. Our connection in Luang Prabang was amazing for 5 minutes, and then it changed its color, energy and direction.

Luang Prabang is quite touristy with lots of flavor, this place has absolutely the best food night market with some tasty veggie options and kick ass BBQ, serving fresh fish and flesh meat. The street market offers uniquely characteristic goodies. We happen to be here off-season so there aren’t many tourists. It’s a pleasantly quiet street market with ambient and interesting souvenirs — a rainy vibrant atmosphere.

Walking through it one night hand in hand, he and I connected with small talks and felt the silence at ease while the rain drizzled in freshness. — So tell me something about you, technically I don’t know anything. How’s it hanging? — It felt good walking under the arm feeling protected. Being close, sucking up the heat energy is amazing. Is exchanging the needed and longed for unique batteries. The closer you are to the source the more I can recharge on affection.

— You really are so beautiful— he said to me while looking at my face from above. A simple word, a simple gesture can add so much. It felt amazing, butterflies immediately activated and it made me happy. Once again I was glowing with shine and excitement.

But now I am listening to ‘Your Rocky Spine’ by Great Lake Swimmers from the ‘Weeds’ soundtrack. Sitting on the bed deep in thought I stare at Nam Song River. It’s still raining, the water is raising and the night is approaching. I proceed to replay the events, actions and conversations and can’t help to wonder what went wrong.

Is it me? Is it my new haircut? Is there not enough sun to spark the light? What had happened with the deep look and the reach out of another’s desire? Is it mutual? Did the bubble burst in my face and I didn’t see it? I can’t help but to feel distance and anger of disappointment. — Lets talk about it? — Many questions run through my mind, driving myself to a feeling of crazy.

The river is flooding destroying man-made creation and all I can think about is that Pad Thai is not the fucking same in Laos. The noodles are different, the egg was missing, no crushed peanuts, no bean sprouts, no spiciness and not enough sweetness. It was just different, different place different flavor. The hunger and the taste excited me to a higher level of Pad Thai. The first few bites of disappointment filled up the first hunger and left me disappointed.

I should have just ate something local like Laap, chopped up meat or fish with fish sauce, lime, mint, cilantro and lemongrass. It would have been a starter served with sticky rice, Laos’s other specialty. Sticky-ness.

With one week in total together we headed towards Vang Vieng, a well-known party place with tubing, kayaking and caving. Draw dropping peaks of limestone formations is the norm, this place is definitely a jewel. What a great place to spend your time and enjoy the new toy. We found an amazing room, with a kick ass 3D view of the Nam Song River overlooking karst formations; plus fluffy bed, huge windows and clean bathroom. Room number 00006 in the Popular View Guesthouse. — WOW this place is awesome. — I smiled. — It’s been a while since we stayed in a nice room.

We unpacked and went out to explore the talked about party town, filled with early twenty something year olds.
— The crowd is young — said Iza, looking at us with disappointment.
— I though you like the young, strong, and wrinkle-less? — we joked while having BeerLao. The rain slowed down and we walked around. Streets were filled with Pancake/Sandwich/Burger food stalls making full bellies feel hungry. Empty bars and restaurants made the place feel really out of season. The sitcoms ‘Friends’ and ‘Family Guy’ are played in all restaurants. — ‘Family Guy’ I understand, but ‘Friends’? ‘Friends’ have been so out of the loop. — I noticed this is the perfect place to slow down any backpacker. After being on the road, you need time to position in one place and just breath. In Vang Vieng you eat westernized food, watch ‘Family Guy’ and pick your favorites from the ‘happy’ menu.

Laos belongs to the Golden Triangle making it easy for any junky to get hocked on opium. It’s easy to fly here high above nature, watching sitcoms smoking weed or opium, you can get stuck here for days. Of course it’s not legal but if you enter the right café you will be able to order ‘Happy’ pizza with mushrooms, opium or the traditional Lao weed joint.

With 2 months of cleansing we reached out for the traditional weed joint. Hilarious ‘Family Guy’ accompanied us and we relaxed from the earlier mountain twist bus ride.

Kayaking down the Nam Song River is quite amazing, the views are stunning and the fast rapids make it exciting and scary. Earlier the day we have visited the Elephant cave and the Clear Water cave. The Clear Water cave was quite challenging as we floated on the tubes with torches. The water level was high making us up close to the top of the cave. With small spaces, crevasses and strong current we squeezed through in the darkness while holding tight to the rope. At one point we left the tubes and began crawling low underground to get to the other side. It was scary walking in deep, dark, cold water. We explored and froze. — Iza! Wait for me, where is he? I can’t see anything, my light is fucking broken, I am cold, and we need body heat. — I grabbed Iza and we walked hand in hand in the darkness.

The kayak trip continued for few hrs down the river, with fast rapids, Iza and her kayak partner were the first one to have a turnover. I saw the fear in Iza’s eyes. She looked excited, scared, and completely soaked. Turnover happened to us also but my biggest fear was loosing my shades.

About 2km from Vang Vieng we hopped off for a bear in one of the bars along the Nam Song River; established for drunken tubers. It’s very popular to float on the tube from bar to bar getting smashed and eventually tubing down to Vang Vieng. Often in late afternoon or in darkness.

These bars are no joke, with giant slides and hanging ropes, tubers are dangerously flying into the rapid water. On an average one person dies each year. According to the guide from ‘The Wonder Tours’ adventure agency few months ago three people died by smashing into the rocks from the swings. Apparently they are currently illegal. Vang Vieng is filled with half nakedness coming back from tubing. — If you are late you need to pay 20,000 kip if you loose the tube you pay 60,000.

The evening was filled with mixed emotions. I felt him being distant, no connection, no eye contact, no questions. It was different; it was slowly turning the other way. — Is this the same person I talked to through emails? — I was confused; so I asked — What’s up?

— Nothing — no comment, no effort to understand or connect. — How can I help, help me, help us. Or no? — Falling asleep far apart with no heat I accepted the silence for what it was. Actions speak louder then words and I can’t force shit.

Morning peaked; I lay with eyes closed hoping for a resolution. Small talk formed and forced emotions. I gathered that it’s not easy to display emotions, and this is just how he is — Distant but present. — As with any conflict lovers end up in lovemaking. Passion kissing and closeness is what started the solution to my concerns. Temporarily it blinded me to the actions and I lightened up with happiness.

We rented 2 semi-automatic motorbikes and explored the Vang Vieng’s landscape. We visited caves, waterfalls and the blue lagoon. The rain was on and off making the ride wet, muddy and interesting. For the first time I got a chance to ride a semi-automatic. Exciting! I am one step closer to learning how to ride a full manual motorbike. — This place is just simply fucking stunning — I stopped the bike and took out my camera for some wide-angle shots. It was a good day, a happy day, and a day that started with the release of stimulating endorphins.

We had one bucket with cheap Tiger whisky, a whisky with melon flavor, sweet, light and weak —  Cost of a bottle 15,000 kip or US $1.90. — After the 4th bucket in Jaidee’s bar we were all center of attention; laughing at stupid shit. — Fuck you. You and you — it’s all I remember. Between the three of us we had 4 buckets plus on the house shots that tasted like Cisco, aka ‘crack juice’. Don’t quite remember the walk back, or the night but I do remember waking up and he was gone.

I got dressed, put on my shirt backwards, no bra, inside out dress; I stepped out to see if maybe he is still around. — What? You were going to leave just like that? — I am still drunk. I grabbed him and didn’t want to let go. — My head is dizzy.

The rain is not stopping, the river is running and I stand here in awe.

Fuck it.

1 thought on “Pad Thai is not the same in Laos.

  1. love it I'm eating Pad Thai today for lunch just for you guys. Love you miss you can't wit to see you!!!!!!!!!!!xoxoxoxo


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